This all happened one evening when he was definitely in the mood for some intimacy and I was not. At that time, I was actually going through something really stressful.
I had a really hard day at work, and I came home only to find my two children had spilled finger paint all over one of my nice upholstered chairs. Well, needless to say, I was in a really bad mood.
I had to fix dinner, then I had to clean up all the mess. Not to mention, my favorite chair was ruined. My husband did not seem to pick up on this. He kept saying that kids will be kids and that we can just find another chair. But he just does not get it.
I did not finish cleaning the house until almost 11 p.m. By that time, I was ready to go to sleep. After I washed up and crawled into bed, I could tell that my husband wanted some intimacy. Well, I had no energy to respond in the way that he had hoped because five minutes later, I was asleep.
The next morning, after we dropped off the kids at school, he asked if I was feeling okay. He said that I have not been myself lately. Then he brought up what happened the night before. He thinks that I have a low sex drive and that I should see a doctor about it.
I particularly did not agree with him. I think my sex drive is just fine, if only I have the energy for it after working practically 16 hours a day going to a full time job and taking care of the house and kids. I mean, what is normal female libido? Does that mean the woman should always be ready to have sex whenever the man initiates it?
I do not think that I have to see a doctor about this. I just think that I need time to relax. I need time to take care of my personal needs. I dream about days when I can just sit in my garden with a good book and take a nap, without hearing the kids argue or my husband asking me where his good shirt is.
Do not get me wrong. I love my family. There is really nothing I would not do for them. But there comes a time when I think I am taxed to the hilt. If only my family can see that. Of all people, I was hoping that my husband can see it.
So, what is normal female libido for me may not be the same to another woman. Some women like to have sex everyday. I really do not think that I have the energy for that.
When my husband and I first got married, I think we had sex on the average of four days a week. After we had kids, that went down to about once or twice a week.
So, what I need a mental vacation from the worries that I carry for my family. I would like one week where I can be assured that my children have all they need for the week.
If I can have someone take care of them for just a week, in the way that I would take care of them, that would be a mental break for me. My husband and I can go on a second honeymoon or something like that. That would put me back in the mood easily.
I brought this up to my husband. The problem is, who can we trust who has a week to spare taking care of our children? His sister, perhaps? She is a stay-at-home mom, so maybe just taking on two more will not make such a difference. My mother, perhaps? She loves her grandchildren, but I am concerned that she will not be able to keep up with them and that she will spoil them too much.
I told him that if he wants to see what is normal female libido, he should find help me get a mental vacation. I think sex drive starts in the brain. If the brain is tired, there is no chance for anything else.
The mind can fool the body. A mind like mine that is always burdened with worries about the kids does not have much time for anything else.
In a way, I wish I could be more like my husband. He never seems to let anything bother him. Even when faced with real problems, he just coasts along and not let them faze him. No wonder his libido is high.
There is something to be said about a worry-free mindset. It is probably a healthier way to live. I can probably learn something from him in that regard.
I will see if my husband can come up with a plan where we can get a week off from the house chores and kids. So far, his sister is probably the most logical choice.
If she is willing to do this for us, we may make this into our annual private vacation. I think this is a great way to put some spark back into our marriage.