There was a time when you couldn’t keep your hands off your man. You loved tearing off each other’s clothes and doing the most outrageous things in – and out – of the bed.
That was a decade ago. Aside from the years added to your resume of experience, sex became distant and foreign to you. Now, you often say no, complain of being too tired, and make excuses, just because you are not in the mood.
If you would like to add some spark to your dwindling sex life, here are 16 reasons why you are often not in the mood, how it could ruin your relationship, along with tips to help you bounce back. Make sure you’ll read all the way to the end to see if you may have depression and when you need to seek medical help, too.
1. When Biology Rules: Role of Hormones in Your Sex Drive
The medical society defined hormones as chemical messengers created in the endocrine glands and secreted into your blood. These hormones will be carried out into your tissues and organs, which help in your body functions and mood.
Yes, your hormones greatly affect your mood.
Estrogen has a direct impact on serotonin and dopamine, key brain chemicals associated with psychosis and depression. In fact, clinical study showed that estradiol, the most potent form of estrogen, helps improve depression and psychosis.
That’s not all. Hormones in general are involved in almost every biological process in your system including sexual reproduction. This follows that any fluctuation in your hormone levels affects your normal function and could lead to mood swings or depression.
When your hormones are in their best state, it translates to something different and pleasurable. Read the next section to find out what this means.
2. When Your Hormones and the Feeling of Zen Collides
Hormones are not all bad. If they are in their right levels, they could pave way to pleasurable feelings, especially when inside the bedroom.
What does his mean?
Between the fifth and 13th day of your regular cycle, feel-good estrogen levels spike. At this point, you feel you are in your sexiest, most feminine, and most confident state. When you are in this state, you are more likely to get in the mood and demand for some action.
Sometime on day 16, estrogen and testosterone hormones drop, but progesterone increases. This rise in progesterone calms you down and you will feel most Zen.
What’s the point? The changes in your hormone levels affect your moods. This explains why on certain days, you are feeling horny, while towards the end of your cycle, your sex drive is missing in action.
3. A Cluttered Home: Your Libido’s Surprising Killer
It was a tiring day. As soon as you entered your home or your room, you were welcomed with piles of dishes, unfolded clothes, unpaid bills, and the list goes on. These are called cognitive distractions and the effects are not good, especially in the sex department.
Compared to men, you are more prone to this kind of distraction. A big mess is a reminder of the things you haven’t done yet, which could interfere with your sense of calmness. When messiness gets in the way, you also start to lose focus and are unable to relax. This greatly affects your mood inside the bedroom.
Can you fix this? Of course you can. Aside from the mood lifter tips you will learn below, tackling the clutter and getting rid of the mess could help you a lot in making you feel sexy again.
4. The Master of Irony: Why Birth Control Pills Rob Your Sexy Mood
Isn’t it ironic how the one thing that helps you not to get pregnant, so you can have sex all the time is the same thing that suppresses your moods in the bedroom? Unfortunately, birth control pills, especially hormone-based birth control pills, rob your sex drive and make you less interested in sex.
The culprit is globulin. Hormone-based birth control products increase this sex hormone-binding globulin, thereby reducing testosterone. You need enough amounts of “T” in your body to regulate your sexual function. Otherwise, any changes in your hormonal levels messes with your sex drive that will make you use the “Honey, I’m not in the mood” card.
There are options available to ensure that you won’t get pregnant. You can ask your doctor to change your prescription or consider intrauterine device for longer and hormone-free birth control. Otherwise, the calendar method and condom use are good places to go back to when it comes to safe sex.
5. Money Matters: How Financial Issues Could Affect Your Mood Inside the Bedroom
It turns out that recession is not only applicable in the economy. Believe it or not, it could follow you inside the bedroom.
How is this possible?
Financial worries are among the most common concerns among couples. You worry about losing your job, lack of savings, retirement, and the economy in general. Although these issues have nothing to do with your libido, it could still take a toll in your sex life. These worries affect your mood on sex, leaving no room for intimacy.
Try these techniques to stop financial issues from getting in the way:
- Re-think about your expenses and find out which ones can you forego.
- Differentiate needs from wants.
- Save a portion of your salary every month – and make sure you won’t use it.
- Set aside a certain part of your day where you can worry.
6. High Cholesterol: Another Reason Your Libido is Missing in Action
Admit it. It’s hard to say no to a giant slice of cheese pizza or fresh batch of brownies your sister made for dessert. Unfortunately, this could be the reason why your sex drive is going down the drain.
According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, there is a relationship between high cholesterol and difficulty in reaching orgasm. This is because cholesterol builds up on the walls of your arteries, which restricts blood flow in the genital area. The result:
- Less sensations in the genital area.
- Difficulties in getting an orgasm.
- Frustrating sex.
It will help to evaluate your food choices and make sure to stick to the healthy ones, which you will learn more about below.
7. Breasts: Good For Your Baby, But Off Limits to Your Hubby
You’ve seen it in commercials and read it on the labels printed on formula milk cans. Breast milk is best for your baby up to two years. The medical society advocates breastfeeding with female celebrities empowering and encouraging women around the world to provide this liquid gold for human development.
The intentions are great. After all, who doesn’t want to give the best to their babies? Unfortunately, breastfeeding means foregoing a certain aspect in human life, and your husband may not be happy about it.
Breastfeeding increases prolactin, a type of hormone responsible for lactation. However, this reduces your body’s production of estrogen and testosterone, two main hormones needed by your body to regulate your overall sexual function and get you in the mood.
Still, this doesn’t mean you should stop breastfeeding. First, you need to applaud yourself for doing a great job in breastfeeding your little one. There is nothing wrong with investing in your baby’s health. Second, you need to remember that breastfeeding isn’t forever. There will come a time when your little one won’t ask for your milk. Third, there are ways to help you get in the mood. This includes:
- Using lubricant.
- Focus on intimacy and foreplay, and not penetration.
- Think past the frustration of not being in the mood most of the time.
8. Relationship Issues: How Your Anger Affects Your Libido
Anger itself sounds negative. Think about what repressed anger could do to your body and overall disposition. Relationship experts suggest that if your sex drive is taking a dip, it might be a good idea to check your anger levels. Anger, especially the repressed kind, is one of the biggest causes of low libido in women – and you won’t even notice it. It quashes all forms of desire and good mood, which makes you want to say no to sex all the time.
This could get worse if your anger is geared towards your partner.
In case you find yourself dragging yourself inside the bedroom and refusing to be intimate, it won’t hurt if you track your anger and deal with it. Don’t let it become a toxic in the relationship and allow it to take over.
9. Depression: A Serious Condition That Affects a Woman’s Libido
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, one in every 20 Americans above 12 years old experience some form of depression, with rates higher in women than in men.
The National Institute of Mental Health identified hormonal changes as among the highest risk factors of depression. This explains why your risk of depression increases in the following circumstances:
- Before and during menstruation.
- Post-pregnancy and breastfeeding.
- During the peri-menopausal and menopausal stages.
- Balancing work, home and family life.
During these circumstances, you experience “bluesy” feelings that make you feel less confident and less worthy, affecting your sex life negatively. That’s fine, no need to worry. You will find out several techniques to help you get through your mental issues in order to get your mood back in next sections.
The question is how you will know if you need professional help to treat your depression or not.
Keep in mind that depression is something you can get away from, although it takes time before this happens. However, if you notice that this condition is taking a toll in your life and preventing you from performing or doing the things you love and living the life you want to despite the lifestyle changes, which you will learn below, then it is best seek professional help.
The sooner you seek treatment, the earlier you will overcome depression and reclaim your life.
10. Thyroid Issues: Another Sex Drive Killer
Are you always depressed or tired? Do you experience weight gain or hair loss for no reason at all? If yes, then it won’t hurt if you schedule a trip to the doctor to check your thyroid. After all, there are approximately 10 million Americans who have thyroid issues, and you might be one of them.
Your thyroid is only a size of a golf ball, but it plays an important role in your body, especially in your libido. If your thyroid is not functioning properly, then you could experience the following:
- Dry Skin
- Muscle Cramps or Muscle Aches
- Loss of Pleasure
- Decreased Libido
Thyroid problems can be diagnosed through a simple blood test. If you have noticed any changes, not just in your sex drive, but also in your overall function, then make sure to consider getting your thyroid checked. Thyroid issues can be treated with medications, so you can get your mood and sex drive back to where they should be.
11. Aging: A Natural, Biological Process You Can’t Skip
If someone told that you that they found the fountain of youth, will you go and line up for it? The idea is tempting, but up to this day, aging is still part of the natural process and it is hard to get away from it.
What’s up with aging and how is it related to your mood inside the bedroom?
Aging means a sudden drop in your estrogen levels. This leads to:
- Changes in your vaginal walls.
- Pain and discomfort during sex.
- Disruption in the natural lubrication process.
All of these affect your mood and overall disposition inside the bedroom and make sexual activity unpleasant. Lubricants can help, and there are treatments for the thinning of the vaginal walls, so if you find sex painful, talk to your doctor about it and seek help before it gets any worse. This is a time to be proactive if you want to save your sex life – and your relationship, too.
Here’s the good news: you can reverse the situation and reclaim your inner sex goddess inside the bedroom. Feeling down and blue doesn’t always follow that you are depressed. Sometimes, it is also about stepping away and getting a breather to help you get back on track.
The next sections will discuss how you can get your groove back on the race.
12. Exercise: A Simple Yet Effective Way to Give Your Sex Drive a Boost
Perhaps, you are tired of reading about exercise and how it can help you with almost anything going on in your body and mind. The truth is, exercise does help you in everything, including getting your sex drive up and running. After all, your body was created for movement, and if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it, as they say.
Exercise improves your circulation and nerve function, which could lead to increase in your overall blood flow. This makes it easier for you to get aroused and more sensitive down there because of the increased blood flow. This means sex will be more pleasurable and satisfying for you, and that’s a good thing.
Aside from this, exercise releases endorphins or feel good hormones in your body. This boosts your energy levels and lifts your mood. The best part is it helps you lose weight, thereby making you feel better about yourself.
For starters, try jogging, running, or biking around the neighborhood. You may also rekindle your love for a particular sport or try out something new. If you can get your man or your friends to work with you, then much better since you have a motivation.
13. Healthy Diet: Pair It With Exercise to Put Your Sex Drive Back on the Map
Apparently, exercise cannot exist alone. It needs a little push, so you can get your sex life back. This is where healthy diet comes in.
You already know how cholesterol could ruin your mood inside the bedroom. To solve that predicament, slowly give up animal fats and whole milk products to reduce your cholesterol. Consequently, a diet rich in fruits, vegetables and whole grains will help block cholesterol from taking over your bloodstream and improve your sex life.
You can also add the following in your grocery list since these foods are rich in nutrients and antioxidants to give your mood a boost:
- Dark Chocolate
- Sweet Potato
14. No Man is an Island: Socializing to Get Your Libido Up and Running
Do you prefer spending time alone instead of mingling with other people? Are you always saying no to events and try to come up with tons of excuses just to skip an activity? If you are constantly in isolation mode, that could be the reason why your sex drive is missing in action.
There is nothing wrong with being alone; however, the alarming part is when you are alone most of the time. Being isolated leads to loneliness and could contribute to sour moods. Once your mood is at its lowest, it could negatively affect your sex life, too.
The best way to address this is to go out and socialize. Humans are wired to make friends, meet new people, and talk to others. In fact, a study showed that making new friends releases oxytocin in your body, thereby lifts your mood.
If you want to lift your mood, then avoid isolation and include the following in your agenda:
- Get together with one or all of your family members.
- Invite a friend or colleague to have lunch.
- Rekindle old friendships, even if it means visiting them in their house.
- Take classes to meet new people.
- Join a community where you can share the same passion or hobbies.
Take it one step at a time. You will be surprised that aside from becoming more sociable, your sex drive is back on track, too.
15. Boost Your Moods and Sex Drive With Meditation
When was the last time you sat down and had a quiet moment all by yourself? Most of the time, you can hear crying kids, your mom’s voice telling you to do this and that, your partner’s constant nagging, your bosses instructions, or the phone ringing incessantly, reminding you to pick up the laundry. When chaos strikes at home, then don’t be surprised if your libido is going down the drain.
Medication can help because it:
- Produces positive changes in your brain to reduce bad emotions and produce good, positive ones.
- Lowers your blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen consumption, and breathing rate to promote calmness in your system.
- If you are under stress, then this technique could also help since it lowers the levels of cortisol in your body.
These all lead to better, more relaxed moods.
Starting Your Meditation Practice
Here’s how to get started with meditation:
- Set aside a place to meditate.
- With your back straight, sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor.
- Close your eyes and breathe slowly and deeply.
- Enjoy the peace and quiet that is slowly taking over your heart and mind.
16. Get to Know Your Purpose and Share It With Others
Getting rid of stress, exercising and eating a healthy diet are common but effective mood lifters that will help you get back on track. Let’s say you tried these and yet, your mood is still not cooperating? Perhaps you can try finding your purpose.
What does this mean?
Take time to identify something you want to do and are passionate about that you are willing to share with others. It could be volunteering for a charity, spending time with the kids in the daycare center, babysitting, cooking or painting. Rekindle that love and if time permits, share it with other people.
Knowing your purpose and dedicating your time to something you care about deeply could bring you the following benefits:
- Stress Reduction
- Mental Sharpness
- Better Moods
- Anxiety Management
You may not notice it at first, but one day, you will be surprised to find your libido once again.
Getting Your Mood Back Inside the Bedroom
There are various reasons why your appetite for sex is missing in action. There are also various ways to help you get it back. These 16 pointers will help you identify whether it is depression or something else that is causing your lack of a sexy mood. Don’t forget to take note of the tips on how to get yourself back on the lovemaking track.
If all else fails, then it won’t hurt if you seek treatment. It could be your body’s way of saying that there is something serious going on and you need to pay attention. A lack of intimacy destroys relationships, so do whatever you can to keep it strong, and you’ll maintain that special bond you have with your partner.