Finding Mr. Right is the dream of many women, but with so many individuals of the opposite sex out there, it can seem like both an impossible feat and a strong possibility. But the path to finding the right man for you is not so clear-cut, and neither is it a crapshoot.
There are many ways to find the man of your dreams, but you have to face some challenges along the way. The most important thing is to use each relationship to bring you one step closer to Mr. Right.
Why Are You Still Sitting There?
To find a partner in life, you need to be active in your own life. There are many steps you can take to encourage your future life partner to make hi entrance into your life. There are also many steps that you can take that are detrimental and can be serious health risks in your man-quest.
You might think that a one-night stand might be the path to finding Mr. Right. It could be an exciting and enticing weekend activity. But choosing this method is not only dangerous, but it can be unhealthy- both physically and emotionally.
It’s Not Just About Morality
So, society seems to be a little bit more accepting of flings – or so they seem to be. But whether you consider the behavior morally acceptable or not is much more important than what society thinks of it. This behavior can have life-long effects on you; and it is crucial for you to understand the ramifications of your actions. Also, one-night stands are often slippery slopes to more negative behavior – so why not even step onto that slick surface to begin with?
Thinking Twice is Nice: What One-Night Stands Won’t Do for You
Picking through man after man, hoping to find one that fits is an ineffective process of elimination. Here are 10 reasons to sway you away from picking up that cutie guy winking at you across the bar or letting yourself get picked up by the generous guy who keeps buying you drinks.
1. What If He Is “The One?”
Okay, so we have just been focused on how terrible one-night stands are and how they rarely result in long-term meaningful relationships. So, what if by chance you do meet someone who, after the alcohol wears off, seems like marriage material? Jumping into bed too soon might curb your immediate desires and those of the random stranger you met, but that guy might reconsider his interest in you now that he know you are a lot more “easy” than he might have thought of you before.
2. You Could Be Famous for All the Wrong Reasons
A guy who will sleep with you so easily or encourage you to do the same might be just as free with his phone. Some guys enjoy sharing their conquests, not only with a few buddies, but with the entire world wide web. And their newest status update could feature you.
3. Safety First
The issue of safety cannot be stressed enough. Risking your safety for an hour of two of fun just isn’t the smartest move to make. We’re not talking about meeting someone for coffee, so consider the conditions under which the relationship is developing, if it develops at all. Strong relationships begin from strong beginnings and beginning that you can proud of.
4. After Staying Safe, Don’t Forget Your Health
You hardly need to be reminded of the risks of sleeping with a stranger, or even someone you know. Sexually transmitted diseases spread quickly, and you never know if that pick up has one. You might find that your “Mr. Right” soon to be “Never-see-again” gets around, and then you get to share in his travels. Not good.
5. Stay with the Group
Don’t desert your friends who you probably came with at the start. Not only do you put yourself in danger by go home with a complete stranger, or someone you know little about, you leave your friends to fend for themselves. There is power in numbers; and blowing them off doesn’t help you or them.
6. “Your Legs Spread So Easy; They Must Be Made of Peanut Butter”
Is your desire to become the answer to the above riddle? Probably not. And so, you might have caught the attention of the guys who love one-night stands; but you probably won’t catch the eye of a real potential Mr. Right who does not want this sort of behavior in his future Mrs. Right.
7. Self-Esteem: Why the Only One That Truly Matters is You
So, you gloss over the whole safety aspect of a one-night stand. You also think you can always protect yourself from an STD, too. But remember a few paragraphs before this alludes to self-respect. Because the only person that matters in this whole situation, particularly in the stark bright morning, is you. You cannot go back in time and reverse your actions, so why not reconsider them before you even do something you may regret doing.
8. I Thought I’d Never See You Again
It is all fine and dandy if you pick someone up, as in a stranger, and take them home. The likelihood of seeing them again might be slim to none. But what if you find out later that your one-night stand is with a co-worker or friend? You could always quit your job; but that is hardly feasible.
If the night was truly a mistake, it will make for awfully awkward meetings and idle water cooler chitchat. And you could end up being the news of the week if your courteous sexual partner decided to spill the beans. Now, the situation becomes even more awkward.
9. One Small, Tiny Thing
If your sexy romp makes its way to a super quiet home where you sneak upstairs, you might get all caught up in the moment and find it all adds to the mystique. You feel this way until in the morning when you find the real reason for the required quietness: he resides with mommy. That sort of puts a damper on festivities and future prospects.
10. You Simply Don’t Need to Do This
Plain and simple: feminism aside, you don’t need to put out in order for a guy to like you or in order for you to be able to find Mr. Right. As mentioned above, this method has to be the least effective method to dig through the bunch. You only hurt yourself and give up your self-respect by participating in such a practice.
So How Do You Find Mr. Right?
Now that we have sufficiently placed enough fear in your heart regarding one-night stands that you will never look at another man unless he is your boyfriend or husband, we will move to ways that Mr. Right can find his way into your life.
You might be saying to yourself that the way you go out to clubs is a perfectly feasible method to find a man. To find “any man” no doubt you will. But when one is on a Mr. Right quest, “any man” simply won’t do. Some minor lifestyle adjustments can be made to help you in your search.
Here are 12 reasons that will help you choose the better path to finding Mr. Right rather than continuing to schlep it and hope you are lucky. These helpful hints will make one-night stands a thing of the past. They will help you become more assertive in meeting people and help you realize how to meet others of the opposite sex without simply jumping into bed with them.
1. If at First You Don’t Succeed
Nothing great was ever created in one day or on the first try. Thinking that you will find “the one” on the first time out is an invitation to failure. It has to be a combination of both purposeful and relaxed openness.
Some Relationships Don’t Work Out, and That is Okay
It is important that understand that having a few relationships and working through learning about another person takes time. And you may well discover sooner or later that specific relationships are going nowhere fast. But you won’t know this unless you give it a go.
2. Have Reasonable Expectations
Nothing is more vexing than individuals who claim to have a specific type they are into that few meet the standards of. It is additionally galling when these super picky choosers are not much in the looks or personality department themselves.
You only hurt yourself when you insist on only being able to be with someone with specific attributes. By doing this, you shut out a large segment of the population without so much as a first look, not to mention a second look.
3. Use Your Words
Making conversation seems so simple. But being able to carry yourself with a stranger says a lot about yourself, especially to the person you are talking to. It shows confidence and illustrates your intelligence- or lack thereof.
Don’t Hide Your True Emotions
When you are having a conversation, don’t be afraid to laugh, be silly and express other true emotions if they are needed in a story. The person being spoken to will believe that they are actually getting to know a little bit more of the “real” you.
4. Sorry, We Are All Out of White Horses
Stop waiting for a prince on a white horse to show up at your doorstep. He is not going to ride up to you with his shirt off riding bareback on a beautiful stallion. Leave that to your romance novels. So, does this mean that some schlubby character will take the place of the chiseled specimen mentioned before? No, but that is because love does not operate like it does in the movies or in sappy novels. And that is totally okay.
Have a Party
Ask friends to bring a few of their friends that you might not know. You then have a more comfortable atmosphere to chat and also have an “in” to these potential boyfriends.
Odds Are Probably in Your Favor
It is pretty simple statistics: in order to meet men, you have to get out more – and not to bars, either. The more you meet, the more individuals you will have an opportunity to interact with and learn more about. But you have to do that first step, which is to actually go to places where you are likely to meet men.
5. Don’t Forget Ursula’s Wise Words From “The Little Mermaid”
“You’ll have your looks, your pretty face, and don’t underestimate the importance of body language!” Along with conversation, which obviously Ariel lacked, body language is another element to employ in your quest for Mr. Right. Conversation is only part of the matchmaking.
“All of your nonverbal actions and mannerisms are what speak volumes.” Act like a wilting flower, and you will likely receive no sunlight in the form of men who desire to start a conversation with you. This is not to say that you have to change from an introverted personality to an extroverted one; not in the least. But it does mean simply learning to be more confident in yourself.
Inner Confidence = Outer Confidence
How you feel about yourself inside reflects on the outside. These confidence boosters include:
- Style of clothes – They should be comfortable to you, but feel free to experiment with different styles in different settings.
- Body language – Arms crossed means you’re on the defensive; try to sit in a relaxed position.
- Your ability to keep eye contact – Another type of body language you can practice.
- Your ability to carry a conversation – You should be able to talk about interesting things and not make him do all the talking.
- Posture – Alluding to body language again, sit up straight and look confident.
- Fidgeting – Avoid fidgeting, so you don’t look nervous or uneasy – or even bored.
- Isolation – Don’t huddle in the corner at a party, for instance. You don’t need to be the center, but be where more people might encounter you. See it first as an opportunity for “people watch time” and then transition it into “people interaction time.”
6. Step Out of Center Ring
When people at a party make every conversation about themselves, they are illustrating to others how little regard they have for anyone but themselves. When a conversation begins, asking questions to the other person gives them the impression that they have met someone who cares and might actually listen to what they have to say.
This develops a deeper bond, right at the beginning. No one knows whether anything will result from this interaction; but no one will ever know if no authentic attempt is made during the initial meeting.
7. What Do You Want In Your Mr. Right?
This is a completely fair and legitimate question to ask yourself. There have to be some basic qualities you would enjoy having, as well as some detestable personality elements that you simply cannot stand to be around. Try to find out about the following human qualities in your new acquaintance:
- Preferred type of music, movies and TV shows.
- Tendencies to either be athletic or a couch potato.
- Activities they enjoy, like hobbies or pastimes.
- Sense of humor or not, viewpoints on life.
Having an idea as to what you are looking for will likely give you more success in locating someone who shares some of these specific qualities with you.
8. He Might Love You: You Think You’re Perfect, So You Change
It sounds like a self-esteem seminar, but in order to interact with another person on a real level, you have to be true to yourself. Pretending you’re something you are not, will not help later on if the relationship goes further.
You will have a lot of explaining to do about certain conversations, actions, and more, if you flat out lied. Many men want a relationship just like you do. If your self-esteem is lacking or if you have a difficult time being with yourself, why would a stranger want to spend time with you and get to know you?
9. A Lot of Fish in The Sea
This tip complements the previous one because it again reiterates the notion of not settling. This is not settling in terms of the man you find. Instead, it means not settling yourself. There are important aspects of your life that prior to meeting this supposed Mr. Right, you thought were lofty goals and dreams. Things like:
- Beliefs – Political, religious and more.
- Life Goals – Educational, career and family.
A true Mr. Right won’t want you to compromise these aspects of your life in order to supposedly please him. A true Mr. Right might even appreciate having a conversation about these personal elements of life, if they seem to be causing a rift. A true Mr. Right will find the true you the most attractive – not the façade you might have created in an attempt to impress him.
10. Switch It Up a Bit
Change a few locations you visit in any given week and boom, you have just increased your male-meeting index a lot.
Try a different:
- Coffee Shop
11. Male Up Your Locations
To complement the previous suggestion of changing a few of your regular locations, try interjecting a few make-oriented ones, like:
- Golf courses and Golf Stores
- Bookstores and Sports Memorabilia Shops
- Sporting Events
- Sport, Boating or Automobile Shows
12. Love Takes Time
In the movies, love is fast. Everlasting love is found in moments; and love is also super easy to find. The real world operates slightly differently than that. Again, that is okay. Making some of the small changes like the ones in these lists can help you become more confident, more approachable, more willing to approach others, and lead you on a safer one-night stand free existence.
Finding Mr. Right and Dumping Mr. One-Night Stand
No one ever said that relationships were simple. But they do require some work on your part, and work for everyone who is involved. Love simply does not come waltzing in the door ready for you to embrace it, as nice as that sounds.
You need to be active in your search, have reasonable expectations, and stay true to who you are. Don’t compromise for yourself or anyone else. Having flings with random guys may seem like fun sometimes, but it is incredibly dangerous. It is dangerous to your reputation, your health, and personal relationships.
Understanding is Key
Mr. One-Night Stand might come around more often; but Mr. Right will be around for the long haul. You deserve love and respect, so give yourself the gift of time and a bit of effort, and you won’t be disappointed. Most of all, be sure to love and respect yourself first, because people will treat you the same way you treat yourself.